man oh man oh man,,

I'm not a pedophile, nor am I even attracted to younger people, usually.  Since I now realize that a hand written journal of my thoughts, from a time when I was sick,. was apparently


MOTHER XXXXXXX, I CANT BELIEVE WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO MY FAMILY BY COMPLETELY EXPLOITING ME AND ANY POSSIBLE FAMILY OR FRIEND.
This goes way back in my life.  Thrushi once made a comment that he was a military experiment that his dad put him in when he was a child.  His father was a Marine as I recall, but probably fabricated.  But, now that almost every person that I have ever known is involved or knowledgeable of my life, as an open book, I'm not sure its fair to blame me for anything without legal counsel and honesty.  I've been prosecuted for things that I was coerced into doing.  I've questioned both, my sexuality and my mental disorder.  I love gay people though - its not an easy life.  Doesn't deserve torture though by the, uhh whoever.


Oh that's sad.  You see what I see.  and you know exactly how I react by what I see.  plus apparently, you can read my mind and you know I have no intent with the death threats that are forced from me.  Was that you in chat that said, "dude, youre fucked?"

Dude i dont remember what i wrote in that journal or whatever when i was so sick.  I know i was trying to be brutally honest to myself but I sure I said things that were exaggerated if maybe even wrong because I was contemplating my sexuality too, i think.  I was sick thats why i asked for professional feedback.   Dude, so you see what I see huh?  And, you know im completely innocent off all your made up bullshit.  So, what bad about the bull or Taurus?   everything huh?  Jesus dude.   Why are you inside me.  What about the Rott?  who's in there? why named king?  He would mess with me bad when studying.  I remember a classmate suggested I not get the dog fixed, so I didn't but usually would've.  So anyway, what can I say or do?  My life is over dude.  That's why I beg for death.  Total lies against me and I'm not even allowed to defend myself.  So you have tortured me all my life, which sucks.  No, I can't do sauicide for you since the fuckin journal told you already.  What are you doing inside of me anyway?

im not a pedophile, im not a russian spy, im not a brainwasher, im not a hater, im not a killer, im not a gamer, im not a winner, im not a suicide bomber, im not a drama queen, im not a leader, im not bad,,

so anyway, dammit, whats "some 'party' off the street?"  I need a real hearing.  I'm a target like MLK Jr, Mohammad Ali, maybe Elvis.  I need truth or I can't do it.

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